I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
