best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
