for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
