I faked an abortion last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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