In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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