Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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