Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
