I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
