I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
