listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
