Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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