I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
