dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
