You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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