You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
