1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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