i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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