And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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