Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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