I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So many bounce houses so little time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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