I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
