btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
