Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
