In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
