she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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