She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
