Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Mom said you looked used
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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