Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
