I feel great
I just peed on a car
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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