Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
a search helicopter?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
