Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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