The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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