i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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