I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
