I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
