I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
