Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
