put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
