i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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