Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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