she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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