i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
