we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
