I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
