walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
