i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
