Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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