you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
