It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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