i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
