you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
