is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
