If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
