Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
