I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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