Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
did you just send me my own nude
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
