My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
