I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
