If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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