He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm having to shit out rocks
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
