And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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