it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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