I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
