i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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