Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
