you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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