Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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