dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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