Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize