I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
