Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
