I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
