i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
