Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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