i just wanna soil my oats bro
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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