I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
