I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
