So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
