y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
