Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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