We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
