these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
