I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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