Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
